Hong Kong

After 6 days in Tokyo it was on to Hong Kong. Apparently there has been absolute hell on in Hong Kong, protests left right and center. Now I will tell you one thing, I wish I knew this in advance because I would have waited and booked the hotel abit later, would have been miles cheaper. Happened before when they put a curfew on Thailand, and I got one of the best hotels in Bangkok for pennies. But nor being over prepared I booked this well in advance.

Upon arrival in Hong Kong all was well, right until we boarded the bus, then suddenly the heavens opened. Haven’t seen rain like it. I think even the protesters would have knocked it on the head for the night. Lightening and torrential downpours. It’s class when that happens just as you arrive in a new city, haven’t got any local currency or WiFi and don’t have a clue where you are going.

Luckily when the bus stopped it looked like it hadn’t even rained there. It was getting late and after a full day of travelling we just went to a bar near the hotel for food and drink.

The next day we set off for a free walking tour ran by a girl named Zoe. She wasn’t the most enthusiastic of tour guides to say the least. I think it might have been the first day.

She did tell us however how the British occupation of Hong Kong began, the British arrived on shore ready to trade with the Chinese. However the Chinese didn’t want to trade with the British as they were self sufficient and the British brought loads of tea. In the end the English weren’t happy about it, pretty similar to Donald Trumps trade war with China now. Except the British then decided to bring over loads of Opiates and told the Hong Kong citizens it was healthy. Yeah, basically brought a load of smack over and got them hooked. Then the Chinese Government retaliated and tried to kick them out, but instead of leaving we went to war and took it for her Majesty. Basically drug wars against governments.

Either way it must have worked out well because the Hong Kong citizens are doing everything they can to stay self governing outside of Chinas grip. That’s why all the protests are kicking off, they want to rule themselves. But Britain signed a treaty and will likely give it back to China in the next 50 years. However who knows what’s gna happen the next 50 years the way things are going. Who can blame them for wanting to be independent. Just like the UK wants to be independent. And Scotland. Think everyone does these days.

Anyway I can’t remember much else of the tour due to the lack of enthusiasm in delivery. However at the end being unfamiliar with the money over here I gave her 1500hkd. Bacially 150 quid or 300 AU Dollars. For 2 hours of tour. Luckily when I gave her it (thinking it was about 20 quid) she looked in complete shock and amazement and said are you sure?!?!

It was at that point I realised I had fucked up. And took back my money baffled and gave her 200 hkd which was like 20 quid. Like the original plan. Imagine how sick I would have been if I spent 150 bar on that. Would of got a flight home.

After the tour we went to Victoria Point. Probably named after Queen Victoria, but I don’t know. It was clearly a lovely viewpoint but a foggy mist from the factories on mainland China obscured the view. It was frustrating because it would have clearly been an amazing view, but factory fog ruined it. Well it was still a lovely view but could of been better, we will probably have to pop back when the wind blows in a different direction. I sat there n drank 3 warm Asahi. Kayleigh complained calling me Mr. Negative. Which is fair enough because only a few things genuinely make me deeply unhappy, one of which is warm lager. Especially warm lager in a hot country, many of you will understand.

By half 7 after being rested on the hot floor for a good hour (nowhere else to put it). I am having the dregs the last can now, boiling. Like a cup of tea. Kayleigh has a full one left. Longer to sit. Waiting for an already slow drinker to drink a warm can. Throughout this ordeal I myself would have drank a warm can.

Exactly why I was so frustrated, in the beginning. Abit of Natalia Imbruglia came to mind 🎡I’m all out of ale, this is how I feel, cold and I am torn, lieing naked on the floor! 🎢 Except I wasn’t cold or naked.

Anyway it was Friday night in Hong Kong, time to have it large. I actually already much prefer it to Tokyo, its up there with Bangkok as an Asian City. Probably would have been up there with Sydney if it wasn’t for the blatent Air pollution.

We headed off down some alleys and got leathered. Lovely stuff.

Shinjuku Red Light District

After doing nothing all day on the account of it being far too hot to go outside we went for a walking tour of ShinJuku.

We arrived for the night your to be informed by the tour guide this night tour would not be about culture, it would not be about history it would be focused around the red light district of Tokyo. The tour guide was called Hiroshi, what a guy. Now we are talking, ShinJaku has the busiest train station in the world. First gem for you, remember this blog is informative as well as entertaining.

Hiroshi then went on to inform us how drinking works in Japan, you go to all you can drink 7 til 9 then again 9 until 11. After this you either need to catch the very last train home as they don’t run all night or go to a Kareoke house until 5am when the first train runs. Also Japanese don’t speak to anybody outside of their group when they go out, it is considered rude. So you have to stick with the same mates all night. Not sure how that would work for me, I am often seen wondering around boro on my own during a night out, bump into someone I know and they ask.. Who you out with?!?! I look around to see noone and then say you now. I won’t have started the night wtth them. In fact might not have seen them for 10 year, unlucky.

He then took us to a street full of Japanese drinking houses called memory lane. He said it was also called piss alley, because it has 70 pubs and only 1 public toilet, so back in the day people pissed everywhere 🀣🀣🀣 standard operations in Japan. The drinking houses were tiny. Everyone just gets mangled and grills chicken. Cushty.

Hiroshi then took us around the mafia controlled area of Tokyo, he showed us some pictures that he wasn’t allowed to hold high of the mafia. Think its called the Yakuza. He told us not to listen to blokes who were miced up with earphones. Apparently they charge 10x the amount for food then you need to pay up. And that’s that.

Then onto the red light district, he described a full range of services available in different types of houses. Japan has very little English anywhere so we needed to be told these details. There was also Kareoke bars left right and centre, actually Kareoke bars I’m not trying to be inconspicuous here.

He then started telling us about hostess and host bars. Basically where rich Japanese people go to be rinsed. Host and hostesses are treat like move stars over here on billboards everywhere. Apparently the hosts and hostesses make millions per year for just sitting with people. What a way to live. I’m in the wrong job. I mean my job mainly is sitting talking to people but clearly I can’t be that good at it.

Hiroshi sounded like Mr. Garrison Mkayyyyy. He then proceeded to take us down a street of “love hotels” I was expecting this to be seedy but they all looked like 5 star establishments some of the nicest looking hotels in Tokyo. Every station has a section of love hotels. This is a common thing over here. No stigma attached. Couples do it, people who have just met, people having affairs. Nout else to do when ya miss the last train I suppose.

He then took us down the golden alley, this was a few alleys chocker block with about 180 micropubs all smashing kareoke out, themed ones, American movie ones, the lot. We popped into one for a drink, it was sound everyone smoking in a micropubs though, no good for my chest. But what else are we supposed to do when we are letting it go in Tokyo.

Il be honest wasn’t really a big fan until this tour but now I am getting right into it. I have been known for a dabble on kareoke down the years so the only thing new to me was the amount of competition to have a go on the kareoke. Over here ya fighting with people to get on, the Japanese love it. All bellowing it out all over the bar. Apparently this is the only bar where it is for everyone European style, one person singing to the bar. Everywhere else is private kareoke booths. This one bloke was singing Oasis, now I thought I was bad on the kareoke, but a Japanese guy singing Oasis clearly didn’t know a word of English, just making noises oooohhh ohh awayyyy, aaaayyyyaayyyaaaaaa, or something along those lines. He meant don’t go away, say what you say, forever and a day.

After this they only took cash not card and we didn’t have enough. So we headed off back to the hub which is the British Pub we were in last night, they are everywhere, it is basically the wetherspoons of Tokyo. But it took card. When we eventually got cash we went back to the microbars, because its Japan and that’s what you do.

We ended up speaking to some Canadian guys. Mainly talking about sports, Canadians and Americans don’t really have a clue about sport. They asked if I support Newcastle, you can imagine how quickly I corrected them. Anyway, trains stopped at 12, we had to make a mad dash. We did catch our train, but in my first hand experience this isn’t like a lift where u put your arm in and it reopens. My full body nearly got trapped half in and half out πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. Luckily it squeezed me in, but it hurt. Hurt alot less than a 7000 yen taxi home though, il tell you that for free.

This trains stopping early crack ruined the night abit though. We went back and I got a Pork Katsu from 7/11 was actually banging, and only cheap. Then we got back to the hostel and in the common area a few small groups were quietly minding their own business. So after my Katsu curry I legged it back to the 7/11 for a few cheeky cans of Kirin. Kayleigh went to bed. I sat up on my own drinking Kirin, I’m on my holidays.

To be fair it wasn’t even 1am, and the days are far too hot to do anything so the way I see it is getting up at 3pm is probably the best route to take. Which means sitting up til 7am. Easier said than done. I have become a very early morning guy now. In Sydney we used to set off to work at 5:15 most days and once we set off at 4am to get our full 8 hours in and be back out for 12. I lost my works pass that day. Finished work and got tanked up in the blistering sun #leathered. To be fair tonight there’s some guys sat up drinking water and eating sushi, but I’m not speaking to people like that, I don’t think we would get on. And that’s without the language barrier.

Overall, it showed Japanese culture to be very peculiar, don’t get alot of it me. But each to their own. May aswell have just stayed in England if I didn’t wna see anything different.

I woke up at half 11 the next day which wasn’t bad. Now I understand abit more about Tokyo, it is actually the centre of 5 separate surrounding cities.

We then headed off to some nearby temples and markets and went to an owl cafe. Owls just dotted about all over, i didn’t expect it to be like this they could freely fly inside. But 12 or so owls in a small place. Don’t think the best animal rights record, so after a few pics we felt abit guilty and bailed. But then we went to a normal pet shop and they had this white French bulldog, it took all my effort to not buy him and bring him home. I am going back to see him tomorrow.

Look at him in the pictures. Away just look at him. Can’t leave him here all on his own.

Tune in to the next blog to find out if I get him.


So after chilled last night in Australia it was time to go to Tokyo. Upon arriving at the airport Kayleighs suitcase was 6kg over. This meant we had to sit and wait whilst she binned 6kg worth of clothes and equipment before going back through.

8 hours later we eventually arrived in Tokyo and on the plane landing my first thought was it is absolutely mafting hot I’m talking Mafty McMafto. Hotter than Australia has been and humid. But also very cloudy, Australia had the bluest sky I’d ever seen, makes every other sky seem grey.

Well we didn’t have a clue what we were doing jn the airport so decided to just take a bus to the city and work it out from there. I mean I can’t imagine Tokyo city centre being an extremely busy and confusing place to work out. Or we’ll it’s not my first time doing this, sure we will manage.

Also first game of the season today, would I wKe up at 4:45 to watch Jonathan Woodgates red and white army? Nor, I wouldnt.

Upon arrival in Japan I was expected to be greeted by robots everywhere, now the city looked quite nice. Almost every bloke had dark trousers on and a white shirt with sleeves rolled up. It was very strange, kind of like going back to the 50s, and the metro wasn’t the newest and freshest, wouldn’t have looked out of place in London during the 70s (I nearly wrote during the blitz there but then realised its abit distasteful to be talking about dropping bombs) . There was a mix of very nice new Lexus type cars and old shape cars with proper edges.

After a right chew on we eventually made it to the hotel. And being hungry ans keen to really immerse ourselves in Japanese culture we headed off out and done what any tourists would, went for an Indian. During which a woman on the table next to us sparked up a cigarette, yeah that’s right you can smoke fags inside next to people whilst they are eating πŸ˜‚. Japan, futuristic? Its in the fuckin stone ages. Ash trays in every table in a food serving area.

Everyone cruises about on bikes that look like they are from the 1950s.

However later that night I got in to use the toilet and was greeted with a plethora of options. Not just the standard put the seat down n flush the chain. There was sprays, ya could select the power, temperature and angle of the sprays. Heat the toilet seat up of cool it down. Flush hard, flush light. Rinse the front, rinse the back. They have changed the game, we are way behind on all this sort of carry on.

Day 2 we made our first mistake straight away, we decided to get up early and go out to explore. We’ll it was roasting and humid again, we were paggered out after a few hours. And it took us about 5 hours to find some dinner as hardly any signs were in English. Honest what a chore. After chafing around Japan for hours on end we had to go back to the hotel for a nap it was all too much.

After a sleep it was time to really sample authentic Japanese nightlife. I have always been a fan of really immersing yourself in a new culture when visiting a new country, so we went to Ueno and found a British Pub and ordered fish and chips. They gave us chopsticks to eat the fish and chips with, so I just used my fingers. It must be exactly what the Japanese do when they go to England, then go to Wagamamas and get given a knife and fork.

After this we actually did go looking for a Japanese pub and ended up in an Irish bar, after another pint we couldn’t be chewed and went back home. Tokyo isn’t really catered for westerners, like at all. All the other Asian countries, like Thailand, Vietnam and Indonesia all seem set up for us. But Japan doesn’t seem to arsed, 3rd richest economy on the planet, don’t really give a toss about tourists.

Day 3 we had to sit and chill in the hotel most of the day, it was far too hot again. Don’t know what your supposed to do in the daytime here. Also don’t have many pictures due to barely being out πŸ˜‚

Quick Stop at Magnetic Island

After the Whitsundays pulled in we headed off down to Townsville to spend the night on Magnetic Island.

As luck would have it Dave made it to the ferry port and we abandoned him for the night. Dave is struggling and we don’t think he’s going to make it. We’ve rang a doctor (mechanic) who will hopefully repair him very quickly tomorrow. Or I am packing my bags and ditching him for the bus. He’s losing power quickly.

We had booked XBase hostel on Magnetic Island. Like most places I didn’t have a clue what was on Magnetic Island apparently you can drive barbie cars. Not necessarily my cup of tea seems as though I can’t drive very well and I am a fully grown man. When we got to the hostel it was Boozy Bingo night. Out first week in Melbourne we won Boozy Bingo, could the unthinkable happen and we win Boozy Bingo again on our last week on Australia?!? Only time would tell…

Well we went to the bar to order food and the menu didn’t say a burger came with chips. So we ordered a burger and chips, the thick little prick didn’t think to tell us the burger comes with chips, and just out through an extra chips for 6 dollars each. Then boozy bingo was cash only and the only machine charged 3 bucks. It cost me 3 bucks to get 10 bucks out. Anyway as time went on I went to the bar and the bingo man said vodka lemonade now down to 6 bucks. I had just bought one for 8. All this on top of Dave breaking down. I was getting pissed right off. I didn’t win round 1. I’m guessing today isn’t going to be my day. Or is it???

Round 2 started with a free shot, I was starting to perk up a little. Still wasn’t in the mood for the 2 mop heads at the front and pissed up 20 year old. I’m getting old. This time last year I was in Melbourne in my element loving boozy bingo. Either I am an old miserable man or I have been up since half 4 on a swaying boat with a van breaking down and suffered 3 separate financial issues totalling around, oh I don’t know maybe exactly 11 dollars, not that I was counting.

God hates me πŸ˜‚ doesn’t like to see people enjoying themselves too much.

Anyway midway through round 2 they smashed abit of Vindaloo on. Nothing like an England song to get me revved up. I was back in a good mood. Then went and ordered 2 whisky cokes, they were probably going to be my last. I wasn’t expecting to see past 10 o clock. But we won nothing again. Time for the big round. If I don’t win this im going to bed.

I didn’t win. I did however before the last round get 2 whisky cokes, I thought they are defos gna drag this one out. Sat down with my 2 drinks ready for a long game of bingo. Turned out to be a speed round, finished after about 2 sips. I went to bed, I’d had enough. I sensed tomorrow wouldn’t be much better.

We woke up and went on to do the Fort Walk. Basically with the problems on the Van going to delay us we needed to be back over to Townsville to get it sorted. We went to the Fort walk and literally had to bomb around it in time to get back on the bus and back to shore. We just made it in time for the bus after pretty much legging it round the track and having no time to take it in.

Then it was off to get the van repaired at the garage, after a 2 hour wait they sorted the lump of shit our and away we went to Cairns.


Then it was off to the Whitsundays, due to being in and out of the water and having no signal I tended not to have my phone with me for most of the day.

We spent the night laid on the deck of the boat watching the stars, we must of seen about 15 shooting stars in total. They say when you see a shooting star you need to make a wish, being such a greedy cunt I wished for 3 wishes, they were granted then I ended up wasting them all on shooting stars. Shooting star after shooting star, I was sick of them to be frank. But wishes can come true. Probably not yours, if your reading this.

The next morning it was an early rise for breakfast on the boat before going to Whitehaven Beach. Now at this point my phone decided it couldn’t be arsed switching itself on. So although the most picturesque spot on the Whitsundays I ended up getting piss all. Kayleigh got a few on the camera so I might get some on the blog if I get abit of time.

After Whitehaven it was back on the boat for a spot of lunch and thank god for the British. People were already getting back on the ale. And I was very reluctant, as you can imagine. I was forced back into the fridge to grab out an ice cold can of Blonde.

As we sold on to our next snorkeling spot we seen a mahoosive turtle just bopping about in the sea. I hope it was Juninho. Not sure if he would have grown to be that big by now, and he would have covered some distance. But I am going to assume it was him. Go on Juninho skin him! Megging other turtles for fun.

Then we went snorkeling and seen another turtle just chilling at the bottom of the water. That was almost as soon as we got off the boat and I was glad cos my snorkel kept polluting my nostrils with salty water, and someone had bit off the teeth grip on the air pipe. I thought this doesn’t matter I’m getting out already seen a wild turtle it’s never gna get better than that.

Then some of the gang got back on 5 minutes later and seen a shark! I was like FFS πŸ˜‚. Hopefully they were full of shit.

The we went to the second snorkel point and seen this big massive fish called George. I think they featured on Attenborough before. Proper massive fish scanning slices of ham like it was going out of fashion. Got proper close to it and seen its 2 front teeth, looked like a big baby called Neil. Think of a baby called Neil right now. Spitting dabs.

After we got ball on the boat Big Dave the skipper shot the hot tub on, after the English on board spend the night talking about the British Empire loudly and drunkenly we sat in the hot tub watching more shooting stars.

Then the worst happened, the unthinkable occurred. Yes that’s right, we ran out of beverage. 4 litres of goon and 24 cans walloped. It was over, the dream had died. We all went to bed for 10:30 goonless.We then all woke up at 4:30 swaying all over the shop and my back was in bits.

So I opted against paddle boarding that morning. It was a shame but needed to be done, instead I just sat eating English muffins thinking of the empire, and hoping Boris Johnson can sort Brexit out. (I never really, I couldn’t really give a shit if we were in or we were out, or if we did the Oki Koki and we turned around. Because that’s what its all about).

Overall the Whitsundays is unbelievable, it’s like the Halong Bay of Australia. Just better and cleaner and you can see turtles, whales, sharks, pre historic fishes. Definately worth popping there. I am looking forward to the Whitmondays now.

3 Days on Fraser Island

Day 1

Now I haven’t even bothered looking at what’s on Fraser Island I just know it’s cold on a night and looks nice, think we ride jeeps on there. Well I found out at the hostel that actually there isn’t even any showers on the island. Basically it’s full of tramps, and I am one of them. Not much I can do about that, apart from pretend I’m Bear Grills. And there is Dingos on there. Apparently they are quite dosile but they eat some kids before. Good job I’m not taking any kids.

I haven’t had a shave in a few days either, I’m gna come off looking like Tom Hanks off Castaway, Kayleigh looks like Wilson.

So the next morning it was a 6am start for Fraser Island. Our tour guide was called Sydney, his name should be easy to remember seems I spent the last 5 month living in Sydney. Once we got off the ferry Sid pulled us in and gave us all a driving lesson. Apparently cars have flipped, washed out to sea, people have died. I was down as a registered driver πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. This should be fun.

The first stop on Fraser Sydney reliably informed us that this place is the home of the Funnel Web spider and 20 of Australia’s most venemous snakes. Also there is no hospitals on the island, if your bitten or break any bones, they need to order a helicopter then an ambulance which can cost upto 12 grand πŸ˜‚ basically alot of stuff that can kill you but not alot you can do about it. Fuckin hell Sydney could of told us this shit before we turned up.

After the first stop after 2 main drivers had a go it was time for me to get behind the wheel. I stalled twice in the first 5 minutes, the passengers were all beside themselves and forced me get out. I personally thought I was good, they are just shit houses. I just needed abit of a chance to get used to riding on sand and in a new 4 wheel drive. Anyway long story short, nobody wants me to drive the car even though 7 of the people have licenses I told them my situation and I had the bottle to get up and drive.

Then we went and swam in a cheeky lake and after that they were all willing to give me a second go behind the wheel. I was actually good this time and only stalled on a sand hill, it turns out I can drive just struggle on sand hills. As you would if you hadn’t drove in 5 years, had a new vehicle to figure out and had never drove on a sand hill. Practice makes perfect in this game. Us Grove Hillians are born to drive off road.

End of the night we went back to the camp for barbeque, a good mix of people different ages, nationalities and 2 vegetarians. I was having a good conversation when Sid come over and said excuse me mate can you come here and disconnect this gas (whilst smoking a fag) he said he thinks it might be against workplace health and safety for him to change the gas cannister with a lit cigarette. In all fairness he is probably quite correct. I love Sydney. He then sat round the camp telling us about sky diving he’s done about 3000 cos he used to run that here but more money is in these tours. He’s lived a full life, a proper bushman. Hopefully I end up like Sydney when I am his age.

After some burgers Sid said I was driving that slow he thought I was going to get out of the car with a 4 pronged walking stick #ZimmerLife πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

In all fairness Sid actually told me that one his first ever 5 car tour he was the lead driver. He forgot to put it in 4 wheel drive on the wet sand got stuck, got everyone behind him got stuck and then the national TV channel came out πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. All of them stuck on wet sand on the beach with helicopters blasting around for that long then they all realised he hadn’t turned the vehicle into 4 wheel drive. He said if ya haven’t had a car stuck on Fraser Island you have barely been on Fraser Island. Funny because its true.

I haven’t had a car stuck or the TV cameras out after me yet. But it’s only day 1. And God loves a tryer.

First night round the camp has been an unbelievable experience all sat round singing Queen – We Will Rock You.

It got abit later in the night and Sid started collecting the plates and such in. I realised he was gna start washing up. I jumped up thinking I’m not letting Sid do the washing up (he just said I look 26 years old). So got round whipped my hood off ready to get my arms dirty in the dish he said no mate don’t worry about that now I’m gna get it all sorted then we can sort the washing up, I thought fair enough went and sat back down whilst he did what he had to do. I looked over he had 2 girls from the other end of the camp doing the washing up. I love Sid, saved me a night of washing up. I thought I may aswell do it mashed I will enjoy it more than if I did it sober. Turns out I enjoy not washing up mashed more than washing up mashed, learning so much about myself on this journey.

Sid had cheered me up that much I bailed the cans off and got on my first box of goon. I’m not going to lie it turned out I was too posh to figure out how to pour the goon but a lad I met Jordan, who went to Oxford University, poured the goon from the pack for me. Oxford University, he teaches in a private boarding school. That lad was less posh than me he knew how to pour goon. Didn’t realise how posh I was. I’ve certainly grew.

Then we went out to see the stars I’m not even joking I have seen nothing like it in the sky. Absolutely uninterrupted stars glowing like it was somewhere else. It was like dust sprinkled in between all the stars there was so many. Apparently there is more stars in the southern hemisphere. Starlight. Can you hear me, can you feel me ooooo starlight. Was all I had to say.

This is probably a good time to say anyone who got the Dusty Springfield reference that opened up the last blog. I think I have a few motifs coincidentally occurring without any effort. This is how Shakespeare must of done it.

After the stars we went back to camp, a few people looked tired and drunk. People were off to bed. That was until Sid turned round and kicked off at people for going to bed and told them to stay up. They did. Sydney was a man who should be listened to. They named the city after him apparently.

Just to make sure we drank all of our drink Sid told us we could get boxes of goon on the island for 20 bucks (basically 4 litres of wine for a 10er). It’s like the Manor House in 2005. Except everyone here is older. Just a little bit older. But then Sid went and put abit of Chelsea Dagger on, felt like the crown in 2012. What a time to be alive this is.

He sent us back out to watch moonrise. Same sky before but with more moon. Stardust everywhere Peter Cassy is dressed up as the wrestler Sawdust tonight. Must be a sign, going to be some wedding this.

Anyway as the night wore on me and Sid spoke more and more, mainly about Captain Cook. He said Captain Cook…Fraser 2

Wasn’t the first here. Alot of Europeans made it and either failed down the tropics or went home because of the crocodiles and other creatures. So the more I thought about it Captain Cook wasn’t the first to conquer Australia, he was about 3rd. Now I have conquered Australia. He has a house thats a tourist attraction in Great Ayton, I have a house thats a tourist attraction on Woodville Avenue. For 50 quid our mam will show you my bedroom, just message me on Facebook before you get there. Hope she reads this before the queue forms.

I forgot what happened for ages basically Sid told me about every single snake about and all the different ways they kill you. They strike, strangle, bite, spit venom to the eyes. I had to drink a few more goons. I wasn’t leaving his site just yet. As I type this he is describing a specific type of snake death to Kayleigh, she darent go to bed. Tough luck, she knew what she signed up for.

As time wore on more people went to bed now this was the first night on a camping trip and me and Sid are both the oldest. Amateurs. Now although people will disagree, I’m not going to bed til Sid does. Apparently it’s sunrise tomorrow, like I’ve never seen them before.

Day 2

Well the sun was coming up the time was 6am. Kayleigh took great delight in waking me up after about 4 hours sleep. Apparently I should of went to bed earlier. Well at this point I was still very drunk.

It would be later on when I realised I probably shouldn’t of stayed up til daft o’clock talking with Sid about how hard we used to be. It wounds like he used to be the Roy Keane of the league below the AFL. I must sound like a 30 year old Manny Pacqiuao the way I went on about my welterweight world titles, and knocking people out, sound like most people in boro stood in a kitchen on a Saturday night! The only thing was Manny Pacqiuao is welterweight champion of the world at 40, I am only 30 and don’t think I have ever even been even welterweight never mind the restπŸ˜‚.

Day 2

After a spot of toast for breaky, it was time to go. Just to check if I could drive I took a breathalyser. I blew way over the limit. No driving for me this morning. Sid blew sound, but I was on the goon, that’s probably why. Fully gooned right up at 8am. Kayleigh took the wheel for the team and guess what?! She stalled on the hill πŸ˜‚ yes. Kayleigh with about 9 years driving experience. Stalled it.

As we went along the beach we seen a few Dingos mooching along. And did I mention Kayleigh stalled the vehicle?

After this we headed on to Eli Creek. About an hour after Kayleigh stalled. We got a Noodle and floated with the current down the creek. It was very relaxing. When I get home I might get some Noodles from Oodles and hopefully it helps me to remember Oodling on my Noodle.

After the shipwreck and a spot of lunch it was off to the Champagne Pools. It was at this point in the day I realised I probably shouldn’t of stayed up all night drinking and chatting macca to Sid πŸ˜‚

We went up to Indian Head and watched the whales, this time there was about 20 whales all splashing about in the sea. Unbelievable. They call it the Humpback Highway.

Back at camp I got the barbecue under way, sausage sarnies galore, king of the kitchen. All the vegetarians got a courgette. Get that into ya. I try to treat all people equally in spite of their dietary requirements. It’s important to be politically correct these days.

Got a good few stories off Sid πŸ˜‚ he’s off his rocker. Lived a good life though. To be fair when ya job is cruising around Fraser Island and getting tanked up the perfect amount that you sleep it off to blow a zero on the breathalyser. We nearly made everyone set off late but he blew a zero this morning as he stayed off the goon.

Pretty much everyone was in bed by 10pm. Boring Bastards, me and Sid were up until 2 then back up for 6. I am supposed to be known for falling sleep. We had a few more nightcaps then knocked it on the head. Had an early morning flight round the island booked. Back up at 6:15 for another sunrise. Had about 8 hours kip over the last 2 days I am paggered and filthy.

Day 3

It was back up for sunrise and the flight, never even had time to brush my teeth then we were up in the air. The camp also needed a good scrub. Just like me. But had a decent night’s sleep which was vital, big day ahead.

First stop was the small plane, we took off on the beach then flew around the island, we could see dolphins from above in the sea, then cruised along the island overlooking all the rainforest. Absolute scenes.

After this it as a few hours around Lake Mackenzie before lunch and home. Once we get Dave back the plan is to head straight up to Bundaberg before Rock Hampton and the Whitsundays.

This trip has definately been one of the best experiences I’ve had, no WiFi, out living proper camp life. Not even having a proper wash. Sick of eating bread though, burgers, sausages, wraps. Going to be a very fat man waddling around Middlesbrough very soon. Hopefully noone says out.

Fraser Island will always have part of me. Just a shame that part of me is my Sony speaker which I left there and was heading on so no time to get it back πŸ˜‚ I already lost one in Melbourne. So Australia will always have 4 special parts of me, 2 speakers and 2 phones. Nightmare.